My sister came in my room tonight and asked if we had any food she could take to her boyfriend's. He doesn't cook. Surprise, surprise. I directed her to the chicken in the fridge and the pasta in the cabinet.
She said, "I don't want to make anything."
Meaning that she wanted to take something I'd already made. I reluctantly told her she could take the organic homemade veggie pizza I made yesterday. Then, I asked her how she'd like the chicken I was planning on making tomorrow.
She said, "I'd like you to make it with some spice or something because lately your chicken has been tasting kind of chickeny."
She emphasized the word "chickeny" with the most disgusted face I've ever seen. And then I lost my mind. Because she does this all the time. I never get a thank you for anything that I do, but she's always quick to criticize. I told her if she doesn't like the chicken I make her, then perhaps she should make her own, because I certainly don't see her cooking a damn thing around here. Then she gave me some under her breath lip, because that's what she does, she can't have an argument because she's an avoider. She runs away and mumbles things under her breath. I yelled after her that she'd be buying her own groceries from now on, too, because I'm done.
I don't ask for a lot. Seriously, I don't. As I've mentioned before, I do everything around here. The only thing I don't do on a regular basis is her laundry, and that's because my parents usually come pick it up, take it home, wash, dry and fold it, then return it a couple days later. She's going to be 21 soon. It's ridiculous.
I texted my mom to let her know that she should no longer put my sister's grocery money in my account, because she will be doing her own shopping and cooking as I can no longer put up with her lack of appreciation for everything I do.
The solution? My mom is planning on making all of my sister's meals for the week and bringing them over on the weekend for her. She's 21 years old. And of course, I am the problem. Apparently, "this is not how I was raised" and I'm "selfish and not generous".
Really. Because I think that I'm smart to give her some responsibility, to force her to take care of herself. I've tried to explain to my mom, wouldn't you want to feel confident that if anything ever happened to you, you would know that your children could take care of themselves?
Nope, apparently not. Apparently, my parents plan to do her laundry and make her food, and pay her bills, and pick up her prescriptions for as long as they're alive. Because God forbid we stress her out by making her be responsible for herself. And there's no way she has enough time to do all those things. After all, she's a college student with a part time job who has spent the last 3 hours hanging out at her boyfriend's apartment. I have three jobs, by the way.
Priorities and responsibility...And obviously therapy is needed if having to cook your own meals and shop for your own groceries leaves you incapacitated by stress.
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I know I'm only 27, but I think I've earned the right to distance myself from the current generation that has adopted a permanent sense of entitlement. The younger generation has somehow come to the conclusion that it is their 'right' to have a cell phone, car, and all things paid for until they are married or make more than their parents.
ReplyDeleteThere is absolutely nothing you can do if your parents continue to enable her dependency.
It honestly makes me sick. I needed braces when I was 16, so I got a job, and paid for them...that was the only way I was going to get them, and I have worked since. I know the value of a dollar & what hard work really is.
We are about to have my 18 year old sister-in-law come live with us...and we have already warned her...my husband and I are both hard-asses, and nothing is free! Let's hope she adapts & grows up, because there is no other back up plan.
Oh dear lord...this must be so damn frustrating to stand by and watch this! It is very sad that your parents don't hear what you are wisely telling them. The thing is your parents and sister aren't the only ones. This has become an epedemic in our country and it is very sad. When us parents, keep doing things for our children, it gives them the message that we don't think they are capable of doing it themselves. It says to them "you can't do it so I'll do it for you." And this starts when kids are very young. Kids that are more then capable of picking up their own toys, put their dishes in sink, shut the lights off...ect. are not expected to do so. This all sends negative messages to our kids. And it leads to kids feeling entitled. I'm not saying us parents do this intentionally.
ReplyDeleteKids that are expected to do things for themselves tend to feel good about themselves. Kids that have to do these things at a young age grow up to be more self confident and independant. I don't think your sister is happy being this way. She has been unsubtly given the message that she "can't" do it so she depend on others, like you, to do it for her. Sad for you because that's not your responsibility and sad for her because it is.
As you can tell by my long comment this is a subject that sparks my interest. It really does concern me what we parents are teaching the children and young people of today. Some how we have to change or I fear that we are headed for trouble!
Well at least they have the comfort of knowing one child is raring to go. But really...I know how you feel. It's the curse of being the first born.
ReplyDeleteMaybe she should move back in with your parents?
ReplyDeleteYou're doing the right thing!
you're totally doing the right thing, as far as I'm concerned. I was married to someone like your sister. he's STILL like that, at age 40. His mommy still pays for his apartment, gives him extra spending money, blah blah blah .. and he's worked for a total of 5 years in his LIFE. that's not even consecutively .. just 5 years all together. I could go on, but i won't.
ReplyDeleteIf your parents aren't careful, your sister will be dependent on them forever.
IMHO, you are SO right to feel the way you do.
ReplyDeletei had to re-read the post to see how old she was. by the time i got to the end of it, i thought she must only be about six years old. you're gonna have to keep working on your parents to let her go...
ReplyDelete