I can't help it that I don't like outdoor sports where my hair could get wet...

I don't know why I feel as absolutely devastated as I do right now. The Ex is dating someone new, who I'm pretty sure he was talking to and hanging out with the entire time we were talking, but that's a null point now. I can't really get mad, because we weren't even dating.

Or can I?

You bet your ass I can. And I did. Like a crazy person. When I got all the details, (because I always find out about everything, specifically the things that I would be better off not knowing), I called him out. I busted out language I haven't used since...well...the last time he and I were talking. He finally admitted that the date was a date, but was still trying to turn the whole thing around on me. Something about how I just wanted to be friends. I don't remember being there for that conversation, but I do realize that I freak out and push people away. And I did that to him, so I can see where I'm partly to blame.

I don't know. I'm afraid of commitment or people in my space or the outdoors. Yep, all of those.

So tell me, why is it that I can be interested in any guy and when that doesn't work out, I'm a little upset but eh, I don't really care, because I wasn't that into in him anyway and I probably sabotaged it, even though he was absolutely perfect for me in every way, yet I can go YEARS without talking to the Ex who is all wrong for me in every way and likes things like canoein' and ridin' and other things that you do outside and that end with an in' and then after a month of talking to him I'm left broken hearted, laying in my bed, reevaluating who I am as a person, and listening to Lady Antebellum Need You Now on repeat.

No, seriously tell me, because I'm poor and jobless and I can't afford crazy time (aka therapy) anymore.

And so help me God, if my sister's boyfriend is wearing pants that swish when they get home tonight, it just might put me over the edge.