Not looking like a beached whale, for now...

I have been wearing the same bikini since my freshman year of college. I put it on the other day and realized the elastic is dry-rotted and no one needs to see that much of my stomach...Ever...So, I went bathing suit shopping. Oh sweet Jesus.

Somehow, I found three really flattering (not horrific) choices, and I bought them all, because when does it ever happen that you actually find more than one suit that doesn't make you look like a beached whale?

Oh, just me with the beached whale thing? Hmm...

Anyway, I would say that I look like a cross between Casper and the Pillsbury Dough Girl. Which is actually a step up, so I'm cool with it.

As for my pill update, My skin looks about 100 times better after being on the pill for four days. Also, I've gained four pounds--after weighing exactly the same thing, every morning, for six months.

Super...I'm drinking water like its my job.

I was concerned that this pill would turn me into a clingy, psychotic beeyotch like Ortho.. Thank God that I finally got off that shit after seeing a book in Barnes and Noble called, "I hate you! Don't leave me!" and realized it could have been my life story.

What I've failed to remember is how Seasonale and Seasonique act as a sort of tranquilizer and actually regulate my crazy...It's kind of eerie though.

On Ortho:

Kid: I'm not doing anything! I'm going to talk while you're talking and roll all around on the carpet while yelling, making your blood pressure explode!

Me: That is inappropriate behavior, sir. I need you to make better choices! And stop making that noise!

(Said with a twitchy eye and crazy face)

On Seasonique:

Kid: I'm not doing anything! I'm going to talk while you're talking and roll all around on the carpet while yelling, making your blood pressure explode!

Me: Hey bud, can you roll a little bit to the left, the people behind you are having trouble seeing. I also like that somewhat piercing noise you're making, you are a true musician!

On Ortho:

Friend: Hey, would you like to hear this rumor that isn't about you, isn't true, but makes you look terrible anyway?

Me: */&)^?!

On Seasonique:

Friend: Hey, would you like to hear this rumor that isn't about you, isn't true, but makes you look terrible anyway?

Me: Ha! That's so silly...Lets go to the beach next week!!

The moral of the story is that my skin looks great, but I could turn into a beached whale at any moment. Also, I'm less crazy, or maybe more crazy, but a different more pleasant kind of crazy??