My who-ha monologue

Warning: This post contains words like uterine lining, crazy-assness, cramps, vajay, etc. If you are at all squeamish, hate personal overshares, or a man, you should probably skip this post.

After going back on the pill, I have had my period for 6 out of the last 7 weeks. Sweet Jesus, I know. I'm basically single-handedly funding the tampon industry.

It started out as just some light spotting and stayed like that for about 4 weeks. No biggie. Last week, I made a horrible mistake and forgot to take my pill until 8pm one night. Something about thinking it was Sunday instead of Monday. This shit happens when you don't do anything productive for days on end.

Since then, I've had mild cramping and a full blown period.

Tonight, I'm pretty sure part of my vajay decided it finally had enough and tried to make an escape. I had a huge clot which had some kind of tissue in it. I was sure I was dying until google reassured me that this is pretty normal when going back on the pill and is part of the uterine lining. Oh good. No worries there.

Anyway, I know a lot of people are going to tell me that I should just go off the pill, but my hormones were irregular before going on it. I was having two periods a month and hormonal acne.

However, my problem results from being selfish and choosing a pill that boasts only 4 periods a year...4 periods a year my ass! I've had 4 periods this month and now my vajay is falling out.

On the upside, my boobs are ginormous--which would be great if they didn't still look like two party hats pointing in opposite directions....