I am so ready to go back to school. So far this summer I've done laundry once. How have I accomplished this? I think it must be a combination between having an obscene amount of clothes and wearing things several times before washing them. I swear I'm not gross; I've achieved the perfect level of arctic chill with my air conditioning, so I rarely sweat. Also, I've been wearing the same pair of blue Nike mesh shorts all summer. Seriously. All summer.

At the beginning of the summer, several of my capris and shorts didn't fit as a result of my bacon bender last winter. Life was stressful. Bacon helped. Now that my clothes fit again, I have no excuse, but I love those shorts.

I've also been sleeping on an air mattress for the past month. By choice. It started when I bought this sweet air mattress anticipating several summer guests. I left it made up in my sister's room until the one time I did laundry this summer and washed all three dirty sets of sheets I'd let accumulate. Naturally, I left all of my laundry over at the main building, and it was after midnight. I was lazy and fell asleep on the air mattress.

Let me tell you that after not sleeping well all summer (because I haven't expended enough energy to be tired) I had the best night's sleep ever. And so I've been sleeping on the air mattress ever since. I only have 3 more nights until I move, and I know I'll have to sleep in my bed again. I thought about setting up the air mattress in the living room, but I'm afraid I'll end up on one of those My Strange Addiction shows.

Have I mentioned that I have watched more TV this summer than ever before. Ever. Teen Wolf, My Strange Addiction, Weeds, True Blood, Pretty Little Liars, The Bachelor Pad (which has made me had men more than ever), The Real Housewives of New Jersey, and every show on HGTV. My brain feels like jello.

I also put a hole in my wall the other day. After keeping my apartment in pristine condition for three years, I fell off my exercise ball. No, I wasn't exercising. I was actually talking on the phone.

I am so ready to be a real person again who has a schedule that doesn't revolve around my shows. I'm ready to eat meals that don't involve beef jerky and gum drops. I want to wear pants that don't have an elastic waist.