Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Young, wild, and free...

I'm starting to realize that things that are amusing now are not going to be funny if I'm in the same stage of life when I'm 30. These things include, but are certainly not limited to:

-Falling asleep on the couch, nightly.
-Wearing long shirts as dresses. With leggings. To work.
-Blasting Lady Gaga every morning during my shower (What up new neighbors!).
-Living in my shitty apartment with no dishwasher, no laundry, and doors that I had to take off the hinges.
-Teasing the shit out of my hair and shellacking it to my head with half a can of hair spray.
-Being legit mad because Courtney and Matt from Most Eligible Dallas don't end up together (Hottest on-air kiss EVER.)

Also, I was texting my ex again, because (let's be real) things were getting real desperate around here. I'm talking eating an entire pan of brownies while watching the notebook desperate. Long story short, he made me irrational mad, which is different from my usual mad, and so I forwarded all of his texts to his girlfriend. Obviously, I don't mess around.

Next thing I know I'm blocked on the book and I can't creep anyone! That same night, Facebook chat was down and I couldn't chat with anyone. I seriously thought that his girlfriend reported me to Mark Zukerburg and I was in Facebook jail. Sheer panic.

My next move was to check out match.com. What a bunch of weird asses! One guy's screen name was italynstalyn. I'd say that's a red flag. Every dude who is in my age bracket is just looking to hook up. Plus, people are so fake online. I would never get a date if I filled out that questionnaire honestly.

  • Interests: work, reality tv, Facebook creeping, laying on the couch, night eating, shopping, texting exes, losing the same five pounds at Weight Watchers
  • Sports and exercise: N/A
  • Exercise habits: Sprinting from the couch to the fridge during commercial breaks
  • Pets: make me bust out my inhaler
  • Political views: Crazy Liberal
  • Sign: Crazy Gemini
  • miss it so much
  • Favorite Things: naps, junk food, facebook creeping, being antisocial, quoting Jersey Shore, engaging in passive aggressive behavior
  • Last Read: serveral young adult vampire romance novels
  • Guys would wink the shit out of my profile.

    2 comments:

    1. I just have to say - you are seriously awesome!

      ReplyDelete
    2. How'd you like to be a crazy liberal 53 y.o. looking for love on-line in Texas?
      (don't answer that...it's not pretty.

      was that the oven timer for my brownies?)

      ReplyDelete